So, I've been doing a fun little dance with my depression meds, which is a long story, but is currently at Chapter 5: Viibryd. Which is spelled stupidly, if you ask me.

I got a packet to work you up to 40mg doses within a month. First three weeks, it seemed to be working just fine. I had a few things here or there that could have been the Zoloft leaving my system, or could have been my body getting used to the Viibryd. Nothing serious.

Then, a few nights ago was the end of the first week on full dosage. Before bed, I was having some head zaps (feels like your brain is being electrocuted for a minute) so serious it was making my eyes shut involuntarily. Not an uncommon anti-depressant thing, so I went to bed.

Every time I started falling to sleep (which, since I felt exhausted, was near-immediate) I would start seeing weird things. Even before my eyes closed, or if I opened them, I could see patterns and colours overlaid onto the real world. As I drifted off, this would morph into crazy, crazy shit. At one point I watched my water bottle became a bird: pink, naked, bulbous, Chocobo-like bird moving disjointedly through outer space. It was followed by another bird, and then flanked on either side with birds, and as I "zoomed out," I could see there were hundreds, no, thousands of them. All marching in spirals to form the Giant Pink Bird Death Star.

And then I was flying through it (my flight was controlled with my side muscles - I was physically controlling my dream-flight), through a little valley in the birds, in an N64 cartridge spaceship. I was trying to get close enough to the main reactor to blow it up, but there were bunnies (Angel from MLP:FiM for those of you in the know) hopping around who I couldn't afford to hit.

I woke up, terrified. Things sort of got worse from there. This would happen every time I started to drift off (vivid, bizarre dreams with muscle spasms), and I would wake up out of fear. Eventually I coaxed myself to proper sleep.

That was a mistake. What followed was a series of the most horrible, gross, tainted, germophobic, horrifying set of dreams I have ever in my life experienced. I've never done acid, and now I don't need to. The last dream I woke up into. In it, a group of people who'd been my frenemies, and who I'd always kind of blown off because I could fly, were telling me...something. After something finished, they were going to get me. I said pfff, cuz I could fly. When the movie or whatever finished, I prepared to fly away, but they grabbed me.

"Did you really think you were going to get away with that?" they asked, "Did you really think we were that stupid? Now we're gonna get you. And it's gonna be slow."

A girl pulled out a straight razor, and other people grabbed other various weapons/torture instruments. I tried harder to fly away, but they hung nets around the ceiling and I couldn't get away and -

I woke up screaming and crying. Scared the hell out of Gashi, too. Thank god he was there, because I was unable to be convinced that I was finally awake, and was safe, for over an hour. I kept asking him to promise me that I was safe, and he was real, etc etc.

That hasn't happened to me again, thank God. But the dreams are still ridiculous, vivid, and near-instantaneous. Naps are no longer fun little energy-giving things. Now they are a commitment. I just slept for 20 minutes and in that time I foiled a terrorist conspiracy, watched the Tenth Doctor give in to his psychotic desire to kiss the Master (who kept imagining men jumping into each other's anuses like tire swings and hanging there), had an orgy with some crazy aliens, emerged into the Fallout of Skyrim (no buildings, just homeless Nords trying to survive in the wasteland), and so on.

Hilarious? Sure. I'm still switching meds.

Hao: It's like that thing you say...okie...okiedick?
Me: Huh?
Hao: What's that thing you say? Okiedick?
Me: Oh, you mean okie dokie?
Hao: Yep! Okie dokie!
Me: Haha, well, I guess that's kind of a girly thing to say.
Hao: Oh! I guess it's good I ask these things. Otherwise it sucks.
Me: Yup, good thing!
Hao: No homo.

I'm...gonna sell my BJDs, I think.

Anyone interested in a Dollmore Ha-Yarn Cho with a buttload of stuff (eyes, wigs, clothes) for $700 plus shipping? How about a Resinsoul Mei with an extra head, some eyes, a few wigs, and some hodgepodge clothes for $200 plus shipping?

If there's interest, I'll detail everything. Otherwise I won't bother just yet.

Om nom nom! I made dinner tonight: barbecue pulled chicken sandwiches. I sauteed some corn with BBQ seasoning and chili powder, and also made garlic-stuffed mushrooms (white and 'bella) wrapped in bacon. The barbecue I didn't too much fancy stuff too. I added a little salt, a little BBQ seasoning, and some orange juice. It's AMAZING.

Other things are going well, too. Workouts, etc. I'm tired, though, so I'm gonna play some Glitch and chill out.

Tomorrow I have a poem due, which I handily remembered today. I know my poem is not being workshopped, which is good, because the one I've been putting my energy into is nowhere near being done. So, I wrote a different one to turn in:

A Lesson in Letting Go

Ichiban, Mikinosuke
I saw your fallen red leaves
I heard your Tatsutan storm.
But I disagree with your disgrace.

my only son--

Did I teach you nothing of life?
Did I show you nothing of honour?

Yet, you are who you are
This I accept, if I do not condone
You are strong
though
my heart is broken.

So, be beckoned!

Sumimasen, Mikinosuke.
Onegaishimasu: you will be you.
You may learn to fly.

Oh hay there weeb self. Haven't seen you in a while. Ichiban basically means "beloved," though that's not a direct translation. Sumimasen means "Please forgive/excuse me." Onegaishimasu means "please teach me" or "thank you for agreeing to teach me."

If you're the sort of person that likes to find your own meaning in poetry, then go right ahead. If you're wondering what was going through my mind, though, ( click the cut. )

History lessons aside, I discovered otome games last night. On a whim, I bought "Shall We Date? Heian Love" for the iPad. Gashi told me not to, but I was just really in the mood for a silly dating game. And oh boy, did it ever look silly.

Aaaand yeah I definitely have been playing it for like 24 hours straight since then. Since then, I have married the emperor, the emperor's brother, the court sorcerer, my maid who was actually a dude in disguise, my childhood friend, my childhood friend's rival, my gardener, and my uncle (by marriage, so it's okay!). It's fun, occasionally hilarious, and, not gonna lie, has a bunch of anime boy candy. Aaaadddmittedly it's not usually the mostly MANLY of anime boy candy, which is generally not my thing. But I'm willing to look past that.

It's also amazing how "my" character is everything I've always wanted to roleplay in the deepest and most ashamed parts of my mind. She gets kidnapped, beaten, almost-raped, possessed by a demon, and just generally needs to be watched and/or taken care of pretty much 100% of the time. Yep, just about the only thing she's really good for is being sweet and awkward and taking care of her manfolk when he gets injured while trying to protect her. I guess she does have some parts where she's actually cool, or gets into the action, but it's a vast minority.

Anyway, she's no Hawke, and no Hannelore (DA:O character). I love kicking ass and taking names, swooping in to save my friends and lover, and generally being badass and awesome. That said, it's kind of nice to do the exact opposite sometimes, too. If I'm gonna be fluffy anyway, might as well go whole hog!

Anyway, I've rattled on enough. Gonna get some sleep. Or play more girl porn otome games.

Had my pre-assessment for working out today. I weighed 212 today with clothes but minus shoes, and my body fat percentage is 40.8%, lower than I'd thought. My blood pressure was, as always, normal, heart rate was 90 BPM. I did a flexibility test and got almost to 17", way better than I expected.

We did step-ups so we could measure our heart rate afterwards. The step was knee-high and it was constant for three minutes. I made it the whole time, but I broke myself doing so. XD My knee was okay, but I needed water and my inhaler and I got quite sick. Then we did sit-ups, and I got 18 down before my back/hips put the kibosh on that.

I had to leave school early because of the pain, but hey, I did it! And now I know to be nicer to myself when I go.

In the meantime, I'm quitting fast food for the most part. I feel too contradictory taking a wellness class and eating at McDonald's more than once a week. I bought some stuff for my packed lunches, and I'm going to work on more things I can just bring.

Tonight I made dinner again. Quesadillas! I apparently like to make primarily mexican food. >.> For them, I bought Colby-Jack and Mozzarella, tomatoes, chicken, and bacon. We already had sour cream at the house. It was quite good.

I've been getting more of my art done, also. I just recently completed this one:

That, folks, is a tank top. With my art on it.

It's this piece, The Sea Empress:



I noticed too late that the iron-on transfers are intended to be used with inkjet printers only (mine is laserjet), and unfortunately there's a bit of smudging on this prototype shirt. That's fine though, I'm totes gonna wear it anyway. :3 Perhaps to work tomorrow! The rest of them I will have to print at my dad's.

Also they'll have to wait a bit, because I definitely spent almost a week getting that drawing digitized and coloured to my exacting specifications.

Also, thinking about making my company name Monsterpants instead of Remembery Lane.